Hollow
by Glamagirl
Summary: For a long time she has been living in denial, not wanting to admit that she was in love with him. But when she starts to recognize her feelings for what they truly were, it may already be too late.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Apparently, I have too much time in my hands and a very active imagination. But it's like this, I was watching CM Punk's DVD and in an interview, Lita mentioned that she first meet Punk while training around 1999. I immediately started thinking that it was interesting that she meet him before she meet Hardy and I also started thinking back on an old interview where Punk stated that he liked the movie Definitely Maybe because it was much like his love life (minus the kid thing, I guess). So putting the two together, I came with this idea and I just had to write it! I'm playing here with dates and actual facts, but it's just a story, right? Anyway, hope you enjoy.

**XxXxXxX**

If it wasn't because she was too much of a cynic to believe in love, Amy would have gone ahead a long time ago and admit to herself that she was in love with _him_.

Any other person would have acknowledged it already; they would have recognized that strange feeling that made her stomach become a knot whenever he was near for what it really was and they would have definitely taken the hint in the fact that the memory of him was constantly in her mind.

It had always been like that when it came to him; ever since the first time she met him twelve years ago he has been able to turn her world upside down and if there was someone, anyone capable of rattling the foundations of her skepticism, it was him.

True, when they first met, things remained platonic between them; they were just two kids trying to learn their craft in the ring and their relationship didn't get pass a very good friendship. Yes, they clicked almost immediately and there was an undeniable attraction brewing from both parts; but at the time he had a girlfriend and she wasn't looking to hook up with anyone.

But even though nothing physical ever happened back then, she was never able to completely erase him from her mind. Sometimes he faded or hid in the back of her head, but when she would be last expecting it, the memory of him would resurface and she would start wondering what would have happened if they had given things a try.

It wasn't until a whole decade passed by that she was able to answer that question, because that's the amount of time that passed by so that the two of them could meet again and hook up for real.

It has been something unplanned and spontaneous, they ran into each other at a concert, things started flowing and before she knew it they were dating. As it turned out, the attraction she felt for a twenty year old CM Punk was nothing compared to the things she started feeling for the man he become much later… and that's when things started to get bad.

Now, as cliché as it sounded, Amy couldn't remember ever being as happy as she has been during the eight months they were together; but at the same time, it was during those months that she lost herself.

To that day she still didn't know how to put it into words, she just knew that she let him take reigns over her feelings and that was something that she didn't do. She could give him anything else he wanted, but not that.

Back to that time, Amy wasn't even aware that he has become master and conqueror of her heart, at least not until one night after he came back from the road and after falling in bed with her he said the ominous three words, the ones she was so afraid of.

He just said it as if it was the most natural thing in the world and what was worse, he said right in the middle of having sex. That has been a total passion killer for her and in the aftershock she just lay there, eyes fixed in the ceiling, her body trapped between him and the mattress and her mind racing a thousand miles per second until he eventually reached his climax and fell asleep.

Confused and more than a little upset that he ruined what they had by saying those words, Amy did what she did best, she ran away. She waited until he was fully asleep and then in the cover of the night she gathered her things and left.

All that happened more than a year ago. Twelve months have gone by since she out of the blue broke things between them but as it turned out, things hadn't changed much. He could still provoke a torrent of unknown feelings to wash over her and she still reacted the same way, by running away.

Quickening her steps and hoping the exit door could magically appear out of nowhere, former WWE Diva known as Lita ran her fingers through her hair and clenched her jaw until it hurt. It was ridiculous that she was running from him once again, she was very aware of that, but after spotting his former flame in the backstage area of a concert she was attending that night, she had no other choice but to flee.

Has he seen her? She was almost positive that he did and that's why she was making such an exit.

After the night she left, they hadn't spoken; yeah he called and texted and tried to reach her via different methods, but in her haste of running away from him she ended up taking a flight to Nicaragua and for the good part of last year, she made the Central American Country her home.

Meaning? She made herself unavailable for him and that night was actually the first time she saw him after their affair ended.

Now, if it wasn't because of her skepticism, she would believe that life was coming in full circle and that faith was the one that brought them together, after all what were the chances of the two of them attending the same concert again? But no, she didn't believe in faith or destiny and the only thing she could think was that life was such a bitch, always putting her in situations she would rather avoid.

"I always wondered that if the moment ever came, if the first thing you were going to show me was your back while running away. I had a feeling that yes, that would be the case but I don't know… I'm kind of disappointed that I was right."

At the sound of that familiar voice, Amy stopped dead in her tracks and smiled a biter smile. "Punk." She said while turning around, hoping that he would take on the hint that she wasn't calling him by his given name.

"Amy." He said in a voice that was anything but amicable and with the full intensity of his eyes fixed entirely on her until she started to feel uncomfortable. "I see you got spew out of the whole you were hiding in. And it just took you a year, how rad is that?"

Chewing on her bottom lip, Amy just closed her eyes momentarily and swallowed hard down. Yes, she hadn't expected him to be entirely courteous with her, but it still stung in places she didn't want to acknowledge that they had turned into this.

It was her fault, she was aware of that, but the thing was that what was done was done and the only thing they could do was move on and keep living their lives.

She knew for sure that he did, so why shouldn't she do the same?

Opening her eyes and tilting her head up, the former Diva shrugged. She has never been a woman who would shy away while facing adversity so she played the best card she had in hand, indifference.

"What can I say? It's been a busy year."

"I bet it has. So tell me-" He said somberly while taking a few steps towards her and Amy just knew that he was going straight for the jugular. That was his style and if he hadn't changed, he was going to make the situation very uncomfortable. "Can you explain to me why the fuck did you left in the middle of the night without even saying a word?"

Ah, not so bad as she was expecting. Sure, she still didn't feel ready to talk motives with him but this wasn't as bad as she knew it could be.

"Punk, just let it go. It's been a year and-"

Before she could finish talking, the Chicago Native took a step closer to her and chuckled. The sound was very familiar to her, it was the kind of thing he would do when he found something to be extremely ridiculous.

"Let it go you say?" He chuckled again, his hand lifting up so that he could run the ball of his thump down the ridge of his nose. "You disappeared for a whole year and you want me to let it go?"

Taking notice on the way his olive green eyes were blazing, Amy shook her head. "You knew where I was so don't make it sound like you thought I was dead." After all she has made it known around their mutual circle of friends that she was in Nicaragua, alive and very well. "Besides you clearly move on shortly after I left so don't try to act but hurt now. How's Beth by the way?"

Yes, even though she was the one that left, she tried to keep track on him and she remembered how it hurt her to know that he started dating another woman so soon after she was gone. It didn't take him two months to get over her and in a weird way she felt hurt and betrayed.

But that was the main reason she ran away, because having feelings for another person was to be weak and Phil was making her that, weak.

Opening his mouth and then closing it shut again, Punk snorted while moving his hand to his hair. "She's fine."

"Great." She replied, the words coming out as forced and beaten into submission. "Well, she's good, you are good and I am good. We are all good so let's just-"

Punk interrupted her once again but this time he did it by reaching for her head and pulling it towards him. The motion wasn't the most gentle but she still made no protest, and when his mouth pressed harshly against hers she just melted into the kiss and handed him the reins of her feelings once again.

Maybe he always had them, maybe she never truly moved on, she wasn't sure… the only thing that she knew was that when Punk kissed her right there in the middle of that corridor, she had no choice but to kiss him back.

The feeling of his tongue moving against hers still had the potency of clouding all rational thought and his taste was so familiar that she suddenly didn't know how she has managed to live without it; it was as if everything was clicking back into place… as if the last year has been nothing but a bad dream and things between them were perfectly fine.

Or at least that was the silly thought running through her mind the moment he pulled away.

"I searched for you everywhere." He hissed, not quite pulling away from her so that his breath was a hot caress against her lips. His hands were still on her too, holding the back of her head so that he could tilt her face towards him. "I was going out of my mind and you didn't give a fuck."

Sensing the anger and frustration in his voice but choosing to ignore it, Amy snorted. "Were you looking for me in Beth's bed, because if I'm not mistaken that's where you ended."

And God, how she hated that woman! While she was dating Punk she always had the impression that the so called Glamazon wanted more from Punk than a friendship and she never eased off to her.

She could see what was in the other woman's eyes and she could read perfectly fine what she felt towards her; it wasn't even jealousy, it was pure hatred and she always wondered if Punk could see through her as she did.

That has been a year ago, and as things progressed, Beth got what she wanted, Punk.

"Or maybe where you just decide to become public after I left, what do I know."

"No, no… don't even try to pull that out of your sleeve, Amy; you know perfectly fine that I loved you and nobody else."

Love, that word again. It made her cringe and she tried to pull away from him. Was she going to run? She wasn't sure, but all of a sudden having him so close was unbearable. "Get your hands off; I don't want to make a scene here." She ended up saying when he wouldn't let her go.

"So you can end up running again? No, I want to fucking know why you left. I think I deserve at least that." He hissed, his fingers burying into her hair as his forehead pressed hard against hers.

Shaking her head, Amy closed her eyes shut. This was a conversation she didn't want to have; not in that moment and not ever. She wasn't ready… maybe she never would be ready.

"Tell me."

"Don't do this." She mumbled, feeling too weak. Where was the strong Amy everyone knew her to be? Why did she always succumb for him?

"Was it because of somebody else?" He asked, his voice almost cracking and his fingers tightening.

"No." She said at once, her eyes opening so that they could get lost in his intense stare. In that moment, she felt as if the whole world didn't exist, as if they were the only ones left. "It wasn't that."

"Then why?" He asked in frustration and Amy felt something tugging at her heart. Was it love? No, she didn't believe in love… but that she didn't believe in it didn't mean that she was incapable of feeling it.

"I…" Shaking her head, she took in a deep breath and rested her hands against his chest. "I was afraid."

Yeah… as soon as she heard the words love she freaked out and ran away without looking back. Sure, it wasn't the first time a man told her the words, but because it was the first time she felt something for the man mumbling the words she didn't know what to do.

It was a stupid move since getting away didn't stop her from having those feelings for him, but it was the only thing she knew how to do. Run.

"I was afraid of the way I felt for you and I didn't know what else to do. All I knew was that I didn't want to feel like that so I tried to make the feelings go away by leaving you."

Pushing the ring that adorned his lips with the tip of his tongue, Punk blinked his eyes slowly as he looked down on her. "Did it work?"

Blinking rapidly, Amy shook her head.

Punk smiled, but his smile wasn't one born out of happiness. It was a bitter smile, one that made her heart stop for a second. "Rad, now you'll feel how it is to love someone and have them turn their back on you."

With that said, Punk took a few steps back and then he turned around and started walking away. Amy just watched him, her eyes stinging and her lips trembling.

If it wasn't because she didn't believe in such things, she would think that her heart just broke into a million pieces…

**XxXxXxX**

And this my friends, is the end… for now. I meant to have a happy ending but I couldn't picture Punk forgiving her so easily. Maybe I'll add a second chapter, after all in real life Punk is back with her and I wanted to make this like my version of how they ended up together for good.


	2. Chapter 2

When he first heard that Amy was back from wherever the hell she has been hiding into, Phil tried not to put much thought into it. Why should he waste his time thinking about things that weren't worthy anyway? She was nothing but a ghost of his past and he just refused to waste a second of his valuable time thinking about her.

So yeah, he tried his best not to give a fuck about the fact that she decided to show her face around after such a long time and he just kept living his hectic life as he only knew how to.

He drowned his mind with work, he banned the memory of her from invading his psyche and every single night he forced his body to the limits of exhaustion at the gym so that when the time came for him to go to sleep, he would be too tired to think about her.

To make a long story short, he just put all his efforts into not caring and soon after the itch taking over his entire being that urged him to go and see for himself that she was indeed back faded into nothingness.

That has been his plan and for a while it worked _so_ fine. Instead of lying awake going back to that dark place she has left him into he just put all his mind and efforts into his uprising career; after all he was in a point where he couldn't lose his focus and thinking about her would make him do just that.

Besides he had a good woman by his side already; a woman who was nothing but good to him and who was not shy on expressing her feelings for him, Beth. Beth who was everything that Amy wasn't… and even though she lacked the things he loved about Amy, he was damn sure that that she would never leave him hanging like his ex-girlfriend did.

Now, did he start dating Beth as a way to get over Amy like some people liked to say? Fuck yeah! She has been there for him when he was at his lowest and little by little the friendship started to evolve into something more. It has been low for him to do that and at first he hated himself for using her like that; but with time he learnt to love her in his own kind of way and things started to get a hell of a lot better.

Despite what everyone could think, he cared about Beth a lot but more importantly, he knew that being with her was safe while dwelling in the memory of Amy was paving a bitter path that wasn't going to lead him anywhere good.

So yeah, after Amy left him, time worked on his favor and he started doing great; his career skyrocketed, his relationship with Beth started getting more serious and he just moved on… or at least that was what he thought.

But then, out of nowhere something happened and his entire world came crashing at his feet… he saw her.

He saw her in a fucking concert of all places and ever since he has been unable to keep her out of his mind. Apparently, thinking that he was over her and actually being over her were two entirely different things and that realization left him crabby all the time while boiling in his own juices.

Back to that night, his first reaction after seeing her has been anger. More than anything, he was mad and bitter about the fact that she left the way she did and seeing her made those feelings resurface.

How dare her show her face after the hell he put him into?

That anger was the motivation that made him walk after her when she once again ran away from him; but now, three weeks after the incident, he couldn't help but to wonder if going after her has been his biggest mistake because anger was nothing compared to a love he didn't want to feel anymore.

Yeah, he still loved her. He realized it the moment his eyes found her amidst the crowd; and then to touch her… to hear her talk in that sweet accent he came to miss so much and as if that wasn't enough, to kiss her lips… it was as if that whole year hadn't even happened and his feelings were as raw as they had been the morning he woke up with her gone.

Because of that, he was now back to zero and to be completely honest with himself, he didn't know how to crawl out of his hole.

Clenching his jaw at the memories invading his mind, the Chicago Native lowered his eyes to his phone, checking the hour. It was almost one in the morning, still relatively early under his standards so there was no wonder why he was awake. But even though he wasn't yet sleepy, by all means he should be doing anything but thinking about _her_.

Yeah, as if he could help it; that night not thinking about her was near damn impossible because by a cruel twist of fate, he has been working a show in Atlanta and well, if she hadn't moved out, he was by then around twenty minutes away from her place.

Would she be home? Did she know the WWE had a show so near her building? Would she even care?

Running the ball of his finger over the touch screen of his iPhone, Phil wondered if he would be feeling the same urge of calling Amy if Beth would be there with him. Maybe he would… but with his girlfriend there, he would be doing a better job at refraining.

But no, Beth wasn't there; she was touring with SmackDown and though he was stuck alone in his tour bus, barely making it out of the arena and his mind full of Amy thoughts.

Maybe he should call Beth and reassure himself that she was the one he needed to be with, because if there was something that was very clear on his mind was that he wasn't going to be a mendicant for Amy's love and that he wasn't going to live on the alms of whatever she was willing to give him like he did when they were together.

Besides, she made her decision to leave him a year ago and he needed to get that into his skull. Amy didn't want to be with him and since a very young age he has learnt that if he couldn't get what he wanted or needed from someone, then he better go and find it somewhere else.

It happened with his parents and he made it alright, so doing the same with Amy shouldn't be so hard to accomplish…

Swallowing on dry and thinking about that, Phil unlocked his phone's screen once again and went to his text messages. The last one has been from Beth so sending a reply was the easiest thing to do. But instead of doing that, he started typing and against his better judgment, he sent the text to Amy.

'_Are you in Atlanta?_'

Once sent, he re-read the words over and over again, a mix of feelings washing over him. Half his brain was telling him that he shouldn't have sent that text, but at the same time, the other half of that same brain was eager for her to answer back.

"You are fucking pathetic."

He grumbled to himself because really, he didn't know what the fuck was with him? Didn't he have some dignity left? Did she steal it all from him as well? And what about Beth? Yeah she was nice and sweet but she suffered from an ugly thing that seemed to touch every female in the whole wide world, jealousy.

Sure, she has never mentioned it in his presence, but Phil took notice of the way her jaw tensed and her whole body became frigid when the little news that Amy was back was mentioned in her presence and ever since she has been annoyingly clingy. It was a miracle that she hadn't called him yet to know where he was, with whom and doing what…

But no, even though he didn't like to be monitored at all times, it wasn't fair that he was now texting the woman that was making her girlfriend feel so insecure; but then again, he wasn't doing anything wrong. It was just a text…

As he mused about what he just did, his phone beeped and all thoughts about Beth vanished, Amy jus replied to him and his mind focused instead on what she wrote.

'_Yup, and so are you according to what I heard._'

Phil didn't reply to that, he just stared at his phone for the longest time until the screen turned black. Then he unlocked it and kept staring at it some more, every once in a while touching the screen so that the phone wouldn't lock again.

'_Funny that you texted, I was just thinking about you._'

She wrote after a few minutes passed by without any response and as soon as he read her words, his heart stopped beating for a whole second only to renew its beating with a whole new force.

How come she still had that effect on him? He hated it; but before he could even think about a response for that, his thumb was is motion writing back to her.

'_Really? Were you planning on more ways to rip my heart out of my chest?'_

Was his reply dramatic and bitter? Yeah, but that was how he was feeling and he wasn't going to hide it to spare her feelings.

After a whole minute went by and when Phil was sure that she wasn't going to write back, his phone started to ring and he knew it was her, calling.

It rang once and then twice, making Phil play with the idea of not answering; but when the third ring came, he just had to answer.

"You really have some nerve to be calling." He said, his voice low in his throat and his fingers keeping a tight grip on his phone.

She sighed at that greeting, he could hear her. Maybe she wanted to tell him that she only called because he texted first and if he knew her the way he used to, she was biting her tongue to blurt it out.

But she didn't, apparently she called in peace and her response was simple. "I don't want to argue, Phil. I just…" Another sigh, this one followed by a prolonged silence that she broke a while after. "I just want us to talk."

Talk? He snorted. Why would they do that? Last time they talked left him emotionally numb, mentally exhausted and the only thing he wanted was to move on from that.

It just… it wasn't like him to feel so beat down over a woman and he didn't want to expose how weak for her she has left him; besides, talking to her could only bring more pain and a whole deal of frustration to the table and he didn't want that. But then again, talking to her could give him some sort of closure and after that moving on would become easier.

Maybe that was what he needed.

"Alright, go ahead and talk."

He said, knowing damn well that they wouldn't resolve anything by phone and that she probably meant for a face to face kind of talk instead. Deep inside he wanted that just to see her face but he wasn't going to ask for it, he wanted her to be the one requesting it…

"Not like this, in person."

Snorting in bitterness at how well he still knew her, Phil closed his eyes and breathed in. He was already sold on the idea of talking to her, as pathetic as it was he knew it, but at the same time he didn't want her to know that so he started beating around the bushes.

"What makes you think I'm here alone and available for you?"

"You wouldn't be talking to me if it wasn't because you're alone; I know she's not there."

Blinking his eyes a couple of times, Phil put the phone down and got up to his feet. What was he doing? If he still had some common sense in him, he should let things die there as he didn't have anything to talk with Amy. What she did to him was something that he couldn't forget no matter how hard he has tried to and he knew he couldn't have a calm conversation with her without his anger resurfacing.

Yeah, he still loved her like he has never loved another human being in his entire life; but that he felt like that didn't mean that he was a glutton of punishment or that he was going to forgive and forget just because his heart was a good for nothing piece of shit that refused to let go of her. No, he couldn't… he just couldn't.

He was still full of anger and hurt and talking to her could have the same effect of kicking a stone uphill; it was going to go back to him and hit him in the face.

Running his hands through his short hair, Phil closed his eyes and cussed under his breath. "Fuck this."

With that said and with a torrent of feelings invading him and making him feel confused, the straight Edge superstar swirled on his feet, grabbed the phone angrily and almost spat his words.

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

He said the words, ended the call and threw the phone away. He needed to let his chauffer know that they had a stop to make and he needed to do it now before he could change his mind.

He just hoped he wasn't doing a mistake that would make him lose everything once again…

**TBC**

Alright so I know I said one more chapter, but I don't know what happened! I think their situation is too complicated to wrap it up in two chapters so I'm continuing it. It won't be too long, I'm way too busy to make it so but one or two more would do.

Also, thanks a lot for the reviews, I really appreciate them and sorry if I couldn't reply to them all, but my phone is dead (I broke it by mistake) and without it I can't get online as often as I would like to. Anyway, thanks again ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Ten minutes, Phil was going to be there in ten minutes?

Dropping her phone over the sofa and occupying her hands by burying them both into her hair so that her fingers could scratch furiously at her scalp, Amy Dumas closed her eyes as tight as she could while her mind tried to cope with the news she just received.

Phil, the man she couldn't ban from constantly invading her mind and the only person in the entire world that could rattle the foundations of her entire existence was going to be there, in her apartment and apparently very soon.

Ten minutes… that was too soon! It definitely wasn't enough so she could prepare mentally or appearance wise and thus she didn't know what to do in such a short amount of time.

Should she try and clean up her apartment a bit? No, forget about that, what she should do was change and maybe even comb her hair.

Rushing to her feet and walking in a bee line towards the bathroom, the former WWE Diva took a scrutinizing look into the mirror and blew out a breath. No, ten minutes was definitely not enough so that she could at least try to look half presentable so she might as well do nothing.

She has never been into portraying false appearances anyways and the Phil she has known wouldn't put much importance into looks… but still, deep inside there was a loud voice that she was going to call female ego that was screaming in her ear that she shouldn't let him see her so messed up.

Chewing on her lips, Amy blew out a breath. Where to start though? Her hair was pulled up in a messy pony tail, her face was clean of any make-up and her clothes consisted of a plain tank top covered by a huge sweater, men's basketball shorts that reached almost to her calves and two pair of colorful socks that definitely didn't match with the rest of her outfit.

She would have to start from scratch if she wanted to look somewhat good and with time running so fast and with her nerves kicking in, she didn't know how to start.

"Come on Amy, get your ass moving; or is that you want him to know that you can't put your act together ever since the last time you saw him?"

After saying that out loud, she took off her sweater, kicked off her socks and tried to do something with her hair.

Not that she managed to do much, but at least when that first knock at her door came, she didn't look as if she has been sulking with the knowledge that she messed up big time when she walked away from the one person she cared the most.

Breathing in deeply and taking one final look at her reflection, Amy closed her eyes and walked back to her living room. She did it while holding her breath, and it wasn't until she grabbed the handle of the door and opened it that she let go of said breath.

Now, the reality of her situation didn't settle completely in her mind until she saw him there, standing in front of her door with his hands hiding into the pockets of his hoodie and his face a stoic mask that wouldn't give anything away.

Why was it that she called him? Why did she ask to talk to him personally?

If anything, what she should have done was ignore the text he sent her first and keep living her life as she could. True, ever since realizing that she ran away from him in vain her life has been nothing but pathetic, but still… it was better to be sad and pathetic alone than being that same way in front of him.

What if she broke and ended up begging him to take her back or what if those awful three words escaped her lips in a moment of desperation? What if she admitted that she has done nothing that wasn't thinking about him and regretting that night when she decided to leave him?

That wouldn't be good… not at all.

"Hey." He said almost in apathy, the olive green of his eyes fixing deep in her own eyes.

"Hey," She replied, stepping back in a silent invitation for him to walk into the sanctuary of her apartment.

He did, his steps slow but secure and his strong presence overwhelming all her senses.

He has always done that to her; he just had the strongest aura she has ever felt and his tall figure was one that would always catch her attention no matter what. He didn't even have to speak; she just needed to feel his presence for all her senses to be on the edge.

Maybe that was what first caught her attention about him and to that day, she hadn't met anyone that could have the same effect on her.

"You hadn't done much to this place, looks the same." He said, taking a look around before taking a seat on her sofa.

Shrugging and closing the door, Amy ran a hand through her hair and walked towards the sofa, her eyes taking notice of the intense way in which he was looking at her.

It was true, her place looked the same. After walking out on him a year ago she just flew home, grabbed a few essentials and fled the country; and now that she was back she hadn't put much impetus on changing anything.

"I haven't been here much."

"Right." He said, the weight of what he wasn't saying falling heavy on her.

They both knew why she hadn't been there much, and that was because for the past twelve months she has been on the run… from him.

"Do you want anything?" She said looking away from him to take a look towards her kitchen; but before he could reply, his phone started to ring and her attention was back to him.

He didn't answer the call though; he just took a look at his phone, ignored the call and rested his back to the sofa while his eyes searched for hers. "How about if you start talking; you wanted to talk so talk."

At his cold tone, Amy swallowed on dry and once again, she ran her fingers through her hair. He was right, she was the one that wanted to talk so she might as well start talking.

The only problem was this, she has never been good with words and let alone when those words had to do with her feelings. Meaning: She didn't know how to start or what to say.

Couldn't they just talk about anything but them? She would be happy only to hear him talk passionately about wrestling or just about his and Colt's latest occurrences. But that wasn't why he came to her for and she knew it.

So… clearing her throat and taking a seat on the sofa as well, Amy snorted nervously and shrugged. "I… you know I've never been good with this kind of stuff so I'll go straight to the point. I'm sorry that I walked out on you the way I did; that was very shitty of me and I hope one day you could forgive me."

At her words, Phil nodded, but his face remained a mask that didn't give away what was really going on through his head and Amy started wondering if her words came out as emotionally detached as they felt on her tongue.

That hadn't been her intention, but honestly speaking she hadn't known how to say what she wanted to say without sounding like a complete idiot.

After her words where delivered, neither one of them said anything for a while and unable to hold his stare, Amy started looking at her hands. That's when his phone started to ring once again and when she started to have an idea of who was calling him at such hour.

"Do you really think that an 'I'm sorry' is going to cut it?" He asked, his voice drilling into her brain and making her bite hard on her lips.

"No." She shook her head, knowing full well that she owed him more than a simple apology.

"Do you have any idea of how I felt the morning you disappeared? Or how it was to wake up to find you and your stuff gone without any explanation whatsoever? Do you even care about how bad you fucked up with me?"

"I do care, you probably won't believe it but I do care about you and a lot."

Snorting, Phil shook his head and ran his tongue over his lips. "How can I believe that when you say it without looking at me?"

Blinking for a few seconds and then lifting her face up, Amy opened her eyes and stared straight into his olive green orbs. "I care about you; I've always have and I always will."

"That's bullshit." He replied at once, his eyes hard on her. "If you really cared you wouldn't have done what you did."

Doing her best not to look away or to roll her eyes at the way he dismissed her words as crap, Amy breathed in. "I care, it was never a problem of not caring. My problem was that I didn't know how to deal with the way I felt for you; I didn't know how to handle it so I ran."

That didn't seem to appease the anger in his eyes and Amy ended up looking down and away from him.

For a long time they remained like that, the awkwardness of the moment suffocating them… at least until his phone started to ring for a third time and Amy finally ventured to look at him once again.

He was looking down to the phone's screen, his expression serious.

"Do you love her?" She asked, her voice coming off as embarrassingly weak.

Looking at her, Phil blinked slowly. "Does it matter?"

"It does to me." And probably to Beth, but the blonde was no problem of hers and quite honestly she could care less about her.

At first Phil didn't say anything, he just tilted his head to the right and looked at her intently; but then he cleared his throat and without tearing his eyes away he asked. "Why?"

Ha, what a question? But should she tell him that ever since she found out he started to date Beth immediately after she left she has been consumed with jealousy? Should she admit that it killed her to know that another woman was occupying the place that by all right belonged to her?

No, that was something that she couldn't say because one thing would end up leading to another and then she would have to admit that she was in love with him. That even though she didn't want to believe in it, her heart was heavy of love for him and that it scared the hell out of her to admit it.

Snorting bitterly, she cradled her face into the palm of her hands and shook her head.

"Fuck it Ames, you were the one that asked me to come here to talk so the least you can do is talk to me!"

He yelled, apparently losing all his patience with her. She wasn't surprise though, Phil had an explosive temper and being so headstrong as she was, it was a miracle that he hadn't exploded earlier.

But still, she said nothing.

"I just don't fucking get you, I really don't and as much as I try to get a peek into that thick skull of you I just can't. You always shut me out, you always held back and I fucking hated that and here you are, doing it again."

Instead of words, Amy replied with a shake of her head, her hands running into her hair and clutching hard at it.

She was struggling, he had no idea about how bad she wanted to tell him, about how bad she wanted to let him know why she care so much… and yet she couldn't. The words would form in the back of her throat but even to think about saying them out loud made her feel like chocking and thus the words were stuck and unable to roll off her tongue.

What good would they do now? It was too late, she has realized too late.

"Is this why you wanted me to come?"

Shaking her head, Amy closed her eyes. She wouldn't know how to say it, but she has never met a man that could make her feel like that, who could make her want to forget about who she was so that she could be nothing but a part of him; and for the love of God, she wanted so bad to be a part of him, just an extension of his being and nothing more.

Not couldn't be healthy, that wasn't her… but there was nothing that she wanted more.

"Then tell me, talk to me."

He said, grabbing her hands and forcing her face up.

For a moment she was lost into his eyes, almost as if she was having an out of body experience where nothing but his face existed.

"I care because I love you." She said in a broken whisper. "Because I hate to think that I pushed you into her arms."

Listening to her words, Phil blinked slowly and nodded. Then, looking away he got to his feet and walked to the door.

Amy watched him, a hundred percent sure that he was going to walk out on her. She deserved it, she was well aware of that, but it still hurt the same.

But Phil stopped once he was at the door and without turning around, he snorted bitterly. "You can't… say that; you have no right."

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, biting hard on her lips while trying to keep her emotions in check. It was hard though, she has never said those words to anyone before and because of the situation, instead of joy what she was feeling was a deep void right where her heart should be.

She shouldn't have said it…

"I should get out of here." Phil said and Amy nodded.

That would be for the best and she was about to say it, but when he turned around and walked straight to her she said nothing, and when he grabbed her arms and forced her up to her feet, she only stared at him… and when he leaned forward and kissed her lips, she didn't even try to stop him and instead started to kiss him back.

It was just… she wouldn't even know how to explain it, but kissing him felt like the right thing to do and she wouldn't be able to let go even if Beth came walking through that door demanding her to stay away.

Phil probably felt the same way, she knew because he was kissing him with everything he had so wrapping her arms around his neck, she tilted her head to the side and deepened the kiss.

Sliding his hands to her waist and pulling her closer, Phil ended the kiss and rested forehead against hers. He didn't say anything though and Amy could feel him struggling.

"Stay with me tonight." She said and she knew it was cheap from her part. After all he had a girlfriend and they hadn't settled anything between them… but still, she wanted him to stay that night. "I doesn't have to mean anything."

"And how do you expect it not to mean anything when I'm so stupid that I love you like I do?" He said angrily, but instead of walking away he kissed her again.

Amy lost herself for good then, the feeling of their breathings mingling together overwhelming and that unique taste of him taking her tongue prisoner. What he said made sense, how would she herself let go of him after only one night?

"Then stay tomorrow too, and the day after and the one after that." She said, trying not to beg but failing miserably.

He would probably say no; why would he go back to her after what she did to him? He had someone already; that was something she couldn't forget.

"I can't… I won't."

Not feeling surprised at his response, Amy lowered her face and buried it into the crook of his neck, her nose picking up on his scent and her heart clenching when he wrapped his arms around her to embrace her harder.

Stupid love. That was why she didn't believe in it; having such deep feelings was only good for making you feel weak, vulnerable and more than stupid. But like she stated before, that she didn't want to believe in it didn't mean that she didn't feel it… because she was definitely feeling it for Phil.

Maybe she always did, but it wasn't until now that she started to understand it.

"I don't want this to be it." She said, unable to keep her mouth shut. It was as if now that she admitted her feelings, it was easier to get clingy and pathetic.

God, she would kick her own ass as hard as she could if it wasn't because doing so would mean to let go of him.

"I'm going to go now."

"Alright." Amy nodded, pulling away from him and turning her back on him. Maybe this was for the best and who knew, one day they could at least go back at being friends… if not, she hoped that at least they could be cordial…

"Fuck this," He said and swirling her around on her bare feet, he kissed her long and deep; his tongue quickly seeking refuge inside her mouth and swirling possessively against hers.

The intensity of the kiss made her head swirl and melting against him, she buried her fingers into his hair.

She liked how that felt, a year ago his hair has been long and now that it was short, it felt like a whole new experience. She loved it though, his hair, his light stubble, the way his hands slid to her back to hold her closer.

"I won't settle for less than everything if I stay."

"I know." She mumbled absent mindedly, pressing her mouth back to his.

"I'm not playing, Amy." Phil said, pulling away. "I don't want to get back into this if you are not willing to work things out and that is not going to happen soon. We are not going to be back where we left things, you need to understand that."

"I'm not playing with you, and I know that things will not be the same. I can deal with that, I just want us to be together."

Shaking his head and pursing his lips, Phil blinked slowly. "I don't know why I'm doing this."

Seeing his doubts, Amy closed the distance that separated them and kissed his cheek. What lay ahead wasn't going to be easy, not if this was the same Phil she once knew. But if at the end of the road things were finally going to settle in place, then this was a journey that she was willing to walk with him.

"Just stay this night here, we don't have to do anything. I just… I just want you here."

True, she had amends to make, lots of them and she would have to make them against all odds because Phil wasn't going to make it easy for her; but for that night, she only wanted to have him all for herself.

They didn't even have to have sex, not that she would mind, but she could be content only to have him there, talking about anything or everything and if she was lucky, kissing all his doubts away.

"Okay, I'll stay… I know I shouldn't, but I'll do it. But I don't want this to be about tonight only."

"I won't." She said, grabbing his hand and taking him towards her bedroom.

Whatever happened that night, she was going to make sure that he was going to be back the next day and then the next one after. Whatever happened, she was going to make sure that they were going to be together forever.

The End


End file.
